Yesterday was any other Sunday morning. I leisurely drank my coffee on the porch, caught up on Facebook and Twitter, read the news, and allowed myself to be still for a few minutes. I also perused Pinterest, focusing on the Art, Humor, and Books, Movies and Television categories. I scrolled through the All category and, as has been my habit lately, ignored the women’s outfit and makeup pins. And then I caught myself, thinking “Wait a minute. Why am I just skimming over these?” In the words of one of my favorite drag queens from RuPaul‘s Drag Race, Latrice Royale: “Good God, Get a Grip Girl.”
Some background: I have always been style-crazy, obsessed with shoes and purses and cute clothes since I was a little kid. I wrote about my first handbag here, my beloved mustard yellow garage sale purse. I’ve always been interested in fashion and makeup from a creative standpoint, and also, well, just to look nice. To be fierce and fabulous.
I’m sort of a Gemini (June 21st, on the cusp, so also sort of a Cancer), so I have that Gemini twin thing going on, and I’ve always felt it as important – no, more important – to feed my mind. I write and read voraciously (I have a PhD in English, so no lie, I read A LOT), I stay fairly aware of what’s going on in the world, and I’m curious about pretty much everything (except sports and this Higson Boson particle thing, which I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, though I tried).
There’s been a shift, though, one that I wasn’t really aware of – I’ve been in a rut. It’s the closest I’ve come to giving up on being Fierce and Fabulous. I’ve been in a financial mess since April when I unexpectedly lost my job, and I’ve been barely making ends meet with unemployment benefits for a month or so and then part-time teaching work. I’ve been avoiding thinking about clothes and makeup because I haven’t wanted to make myself I need things I can’t afford. I’ve been to the mall only a handful of times in the past year, and I haven’t been paying attention to anything going on as far as what’s fashionable. Instead, I’ve been trying to be happy with what I have.
I’ve also been focusing on writing fiction and reading novels and short stories to learn about the craft from incredibly talented writers. Teaching again and working on an academic article that’s due in October have also kept my brain working overtime, and I’ve been feeding my mind and forgetting that I have a physical existence.
Given the summer-long heat wave with consistent 100 degree temperatures, I’ve chosen to wear only those clothes that are light and airy and breathable, which limits one’s choices quite a bit. More than that, though, I’ve found myself throwing on a t-shirt and whatever capri pants go with said t-shirt, not caring if my hair isn’t quite, well, groomed looking, and throwing on makeup quickly without much thought. I’ve even woken up from a nap with my makeup half worn off and gone to the grocery store in yoga pants and a t-shirt, figuring I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew and knowing that I just blend into the linoleum anyway.
Yesterday, I decided I’ve had enough. I went to Target and to buy groceries in a carefully chosen outfit, made sure my hair was neatly flat-ironed and my makeup was flawless, and dug into my jewelry box for a couple of pieces to make my outfit pop. It was a Sunday morning, no need really to dress up, but I felt like a million dollars, about $999,999.99 more than I’ve felt in a long time. I also decided to have a spa night, and I facialed, exfoliated, lotioned, and pampered the hell out of myself. By the end of the night, I felt like I was on my way to Fierce and Fabulous again. I curled up with Weezy in bed, lotioned feet in socks, and reading Jumpha Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth, feeling better and more peaceful than I have in ages.
I wish I could go shopping and buy some clothes that I wouldn’t normally buy, perhaps a great new dress, that pair of brown boots I’ve been wanting for years and, of course, a new handbag. The majority of my clothes are t-shirts or practical clothes for work, and I’m more than tired of them. I’m just going to have to be creative and make new combinations of outfits and accessorize them with scarves and bracelets I don’t normally wear, and know that my insides match my outsides – I’m Fierce and Fabulous through and through. I won’t stop wanting these, though:
My god I want these so bad.
“It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall down. GET UP, look sickening, and make them EAT IT!” – Latrice Royale
She’s chunky yet funky, large and in charge; she is LATRICE ROYALE!